For some reason, I used to absolutely love the promos that they had before the main feature on VHS tapes. I can’t tell you how much I used to enjoy the trailers for OTHER Universal Stuidos Monster films before I ended up watching the main movie that I popped in (probably “Frankenstein Meets The Wolfman”).
I forgot how amazing this poster was. HOW?!
However, there were few VHS tapes that I wore out more than my copy of the 1989 Tim Burton “Batman” film. As such, I essentially had the two promos on the tape burned in to my 5 year old brain. If you’re unfamiliar, come with me, won’t you (If you won’t then … I guess don’t read the article? I’m not really sure.) for a walk down my commercialized memory lane.
First of all, here are the aforementioned ads:
And now the breakdowns:
Ad #1 - Diet Coke
Ad #1 - Diet Coke
When I was a kid, I was just so excited that there was even MORE live-action Batman footage! Though not really, it’s just repurposed film, but they did film more with Michael Gough aka Alfred Pennyworth and that was still good enough for me.
But I had no idea Batman was so in to Diet Coke. Also, shouldn’t Bruce Wayne or, God forbid, his butler actually go to get some? I mean, Alfred is calling ahead that they need more Diet Coke at stately Wayne Manor and yet, Batman goes to pick it up? Way to keep your secret identity a, you know, secret.
Also, do I need to state again that HIS BUTLER IS CALLING. Also, let’s say Alfred can’t leave for whatever reason (he has duties around the house, Bruce doesn’t allow him to leave the grounds, etc.) Can’t he have that delivered? Maybe he just wanted to get out of the house for a few minutes. Maybe the store manager that he’s purchasing these cases of Diet Coke from is some kind of criminal mastermind so the thought he’d go beat the shit out of him and then maybe pick up some soda at the same time. The Batman is great at multitasking.
Seen here brooding AND brooding.
Whatever the reason, I knew that it was an ad for Diet Coke, but it still didn’t ruin my enjoyment of seeing Batman driving through the street, even with the knowledge that he’s just running some errands and is probably going to stop by the pharmacy on the way home.
Lastly, let’s focus on this inexplicable image of a Diet Coke can with a cape.
JUSTICE!
Ad #2 - The Warner Bros. Catalog
Daffy Duck now comes on to make sure we’re really ready to watch this movie. After running through a quick checklist, he realizes we don’t have a Warner Bros. ballcap, yelling at us, “You can’t watch a Warner Bros. movie without a Warner Bros. ballcap!”
Is this little known edict in effect for ALL WB movies? Can I not watch “Knute Rockne, All American” with a sweet Warner Bros. denim jacket? Is “Strangers on a Train” off limits if I lent my Tweety Bird sweatshirt to a neighbor so that he can watch “The Towering Inferno?” HOW FAR DOES THIS GO?
Luckily, Bugs Bunny is here to cut us a little slack. Very little. He basically asks Daffy if it’s okay just this once and he swears that we’re totally cool and that we’ll have one next time.
Ugh, Daffy, you're such a "Pete Campbell"
We can order the catalog by dialing the 900 number they post on the screen, but if you look at the bottom you’ll see that it’s a $1.50 charge per minute for the call. $1.50?! That’s like $125 in 2013 dollars!*
*That may not be correct.
Daffy then comes on, being his normal blustery self and demands that we at least call for the catalog before the movie starts. In a moment of universal cartoon justice he is erased from existence with a fell swoop of the omnipotent pencil eraser. It’s that way with everyone isn’t it? One moment we’re here, living our lives, being ourselves and the next, who knows? We could be wiped from this mortal coil and everything we know by the simple flick of a wrist.
Seen here dying as he lived - being an asshole.
Summary
Overall, I know it’s crass commercialism meant to appeal to kids, but this still holds sentimental value to me. No, I don’t think I ever ordered the catalog and I didn’t drink Diet Coke until I was in college, but it’s just a reminder that a movie I loved will be coming up right after the Warner Bros. Home Video logo comes up, accompanied by the most synthesized music I’ve ever heard.
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